“Would you like to be our celebrant?” My good friend, Shankari Raj asked me on the way into a music festival over the summer.
“Err, what?!” Not sure quite what to say, “I mean… what an honour…” I spurted.
Maybe she was a bit overly hydrated, I thought to myself, not really knowing what a celebrant did.
I said, yes I’d love to, anyway.
I called her after the festival to check whether she meant it. If not – absolutely fine, no hard feelings. But if she did, then we should start planning it – their wedding was in August, it was June. I don’t like to wing things. Especially when it’s a first-time thing. Even more so on what should be the best day of their lives.
She and Rob (her fiancée) remained keen.
Imposter syndrome arrives
I’m not married (I’m not even in a relationship) cue: imposter syndrome – what on earth can I say about marriage and love?
But I told myself, there are some very wise people who have said some very profound and poetic things about this subject.
I communicate for a living.
I know them both pretty well. In fact, I was with them on their first date (by accident).
I could make this work!
Hell, it might even be fun.
Fortunately, another great friend of mine put me in touch with a real celebrant. One who’d been trained and she very kindly ran through some ideas, structure and was wonderfully helpful.
Their story
Shanks hails from Sri Lanka, Rob is from Northern Ireland and they wanted a fusion of Hindu and humanist elements. Shanks is an award-winning architect. Rob is one of the UK’s leading guide dog trainers for the blind. Ambitious, creative and super fun, I had them round for lunch – having prepped them with questions about their meeting, their relationships, why it works, their hopes, dreams, differences so that I could tell their love story as part of the ceremony.
Creating a ceremony
It’s quite different from drafting a speech, workshop or webinar. The job isn’t to simply impart information, educate or entertain.
It runs much deeper.
In our modern, fast-paced age, our lives are largely devoid of rituals. But moving from one phase of life to the next is significant. Rituals provide a sense of stability, an opportunity to pause and reflect.
To create ceremony is to stand in stillness and make clear an intention: The couple: a profound life long commitment to each other. Shanks and Rob are both YES people. And they were both saying a big YES to each other. And those in the audience: an intention that we could and would support this partnership through the inevitable ups and downs.
As they’d done the legal-registry office bit weeks before, we were free to create whatever kind of event we wanted. The question was: How would we reflect these wonderful humans and their family?
Hindu and Humanist
Both colourful, strident and up-for-it characters, there was a lot to work with.
We had flower garlands, cutting of coconuts, walking round a fire for seven times, a game involving fishing rings out of the bucket – whoever gets them is the most dominant. Harvey, their golden Labrador, played a key role in the ceremony (he fetched the rings, the training paid off, much to everyone’s deep relief.)
The network of support
At one point, the bridesmaids unravelled a spool of cotton and we all held onto it – creating a network to symbolise each and everyone’s support for their relationship. They say it takes a village to raise a child. And that may be the case, but I believe that it takes a lot of solid, stable relationships with ourselves and each other to create that village.
Final reflections
Being a celebrant is more than just guiding a ceremony—it’s about weaving together the unique threads of a couple’s story, culture, and dreams into a beautiful tapestry that mirrors who they are and hope to become.
It’s about creating a space where love is not only celebrated but truly seen and felt by everyone present. This role allowed me to connect deeply with what it means to love and be loved, reminding me that, in the end, the most important part of any ceremony is the connection it fosters among us all.